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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Adopting when pregnant

So we found out I'm pregnant few weeks before the adoption process started. We knew it will happen, but since adoption takes so long, we didn't want to postpone anything and start as soon as possible.

So what do you have to deal with when you're pregnant and adopting? Questions. Of course. You are now obligated to explain everyone, why you still want to adopt a baby when you have your own on the way. You have to explain everyone, why you are not cancelling the process. Or pretend to be mum.

Our SW did postpone few meetings, and when she was postponing the first one, she said: "You're not missing any time, since you can't send your application until your baby is one year old". We got into a slight argument, cause that was the first and most important thing I was checking with the agency, when I get pregnant, will we still be able to apply for adoption? They assured me yes. Then, when I got my positive test, I checked again, and again they assured me yes. In fact, by postponing we actually do lose time, the later we send it, the less time we will have between the birth of our baby and referral. Not that it matters too much with the China's superlong waiting times, but I'd like to call things the correct names.

So even if you are pregnant, you can still continue with the adoption process for sure !! We will have to follow the 12 monhts rule (there must be 12 months or more between getting last child into our household and referral) which we do not worry one bit. There will be about 4+ years at least (unless we will have second one before we go to China, and that remains open, we will have to think that through little)

If any of my readers has an experience with being pregnant and adopting a baby at the same time, you can leave me a comment, I'd love to hear from you !!!


Karma & Adam said...

Congrats on being pregnant Molly! That's great, great news. I have no advice on adoption while pregnant, but I hope you can find some info.
All the best!

april woodard said...

Hi, I just found your blog online after I did a search. My husband and I are trying to conceive but have had no luck after being married almost 10 years. We are on a waiting list through the military for in vitro for the month of April 2010. We have been talking and want to apply to adopt a young child (0-3 years) from foster care asap but are afraid of what the adoption agency or social workers might say if we tell them we are pursuing in vitro at the same time. I am just afraid that if we wait until April and the in vitro doesn't work then we wasted more time. We are dedicated to adopting a child regardless of whether we get pregnant or not so I hope the agencies will work with us! Thanks for sharing, April

Molly said...

Hi April, thanks for your sweet comment ! We didnt have any problem. We started the process before I got pregnant (actually we had our seminar in my 2ww during our first failed ivf/iui hybrid. THe agency knew we are pursuing both but as long as we assured them that we are adopting regardless the results, they were ok with it. The only other thing we have to watch for is that we have 12 monhts between having a baby and being matched. That was the requirement of China adoption. So you may want to be open with your agency, and ask them how it works. I was also told that I shouldnt share our IVF process becuase CHina doesnt like it, so i created a private blog for the infertility. That turned out not to be the case neither. I was though having a problem wtih people asking me, why are we still adopting if im now pregnant. Cuase adopting is not exclusive to people who cannot get pregnant. Quite otherwise. It would be nice if people who have their bio babies also adopt one or two, then there would be so much less babies that need a home. For us it was always teh same, we will adopt regardless the outcome. I also wish it would be less expensive and complicated !

Good luck ! I tried to visit your blog but it seems to be private so I hope you will read the follow up comments